I:1:T Let's look for a few minutes at the conventional wisdom around children's tantrums. Have you ever been subject to or witnessed a tantrum in progress when a parent (maybe even yourself) was actually observing the traditional ignore-the-tantrum rule? Somewhere in a public store, an infant or child was in a screaming rage. The parent reacted by (1) not paying any attention to the tantrum and the child, (2) keeping calm and cool, (3) staying nonchalant and unruffled, and (4) as fast as possible (while trying to look unhurried) getting out through the checkout and outside of the store. This outcome was much to everyone's relief, other than the child's-whose frustration and anger to that point had escalated to the extreme.
Let's examine this paradigm more closely. (I swear-that word is the only super-annoying scholarly one I will use here.) Responding to tantrums primarily through ignoring them is part of a very old parenting model or set of concepts, assumptions, values, and practices that constitutes a wrongheaded or misguided way of viewing tantrum reality.
The experts have consistently been advising parents to ignore tantrums precisely because (they say) it's the best way to deal with children's tantrum behavior. Yet these parenting experts mostly admit that responding by ignoring doesn't change or eliminate children's tantrum behavior-because, as they say, tantrums in children are normal, natural, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory begs a number of questions. What ability is there for parents to know if they are ignoring the temper tantrums thoroughly enough or well enough? I'm just kidding. I really don't think anyone asks that question. They should, though. How can any parents possibly know if the technique of ignoring tantrums is even valid and beneficial like the experts say it is? There's no change or success whatsoever to measure and nothing with which to evaluate the effectiveness of this technique. In fact, this technique doesn't purport to be effective in creating a change. The use of this technique isn't meant to solve anything. If the temper tantrum behavior stays the same or perhaps even gets worse, the parents are just supposed to keep responding by ignoring-just because the parenting experts say so.
And that's exactly what I did at the beginning, novice parent that I was. I repeatedly ignored my first four children's tantrums until each of them outgrew the behavior, at about the age of two. I also responded to the tantrums of my fifth baby by ignoring them, until I found out that this technique was largely contributing to and provoking all of his tantrum behavior. I came to understand that the technique of ignoring tantrum and pre-tantrum anger is a big part of the cause of tantrums. And I learned clearly that as long as tantrums will be ignored they will continue to occur.
Let's examine this paradigm more closely. (I swear-that word is the only super-annoying scholarly one I will use here.) Responding to tantrums primarily through ignoring them is part of a very old parenting model or set of concepts, assumptions, values, and practices that constitutes a wrongheaded or misguided way of viewing tantrum reality.
The experts have consistently been advising parents to ignore tantrums precisely because (they say) it's the best way to deal with children's tantrum behavior. Yet these parenting experts mostly admit that responding by ignoring doesn't change or eliminate children's tantrum behavior-because, as they say, tantrums in children are normal, natural, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory begs a number of questions. What ability is there for parents to know if they are ignoring the temper tantrums thoroughly enough or well enough? I'm just kidding. I really don't think anyone asks that question. They should, though. How can any parents possibly know if the technique of ignoring tantrums is even valid and beneficial like the experts say it is? There's no change or success whatsoever to measure and nothing with which to evaluate the effectiveness of this technique. In fact, this technique doesn't purport to be effective in creating a change. The use of this technique isn't meant to solve anything. If the temper tantrum behavior stays the same or perhaps even gets worse, the parents are just supposed to keep responding by ignoring-just because the parenting experts say so.
And that's exactly what I did at the beginning, novice parent that I was. I repeatedly ignored my first four children's tantrums until each of them outgrew the behavior, at about the age of two. I also responded to the tantrums of my fifth baby by ignoring them, until I found out that this technique was largely contributing to and provoking all of his tantrum behavior. I came to understand that the technique of ignoring tantrum and pre-tantrum anger is a big part of the cause of tantrums. And I learned clearly that as long as tantrums will be ignored they will continue to occur.
About the Author:
Want to find out more about tantrums, then visit Leanna Rae Scott's site for tantrum solutions for your needs.. Unique version for reprint here: Ignoring Temper Tantrums Is A Guarantee They Will Continue To Occur.
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